My Humps
by THE Mrs Kyo Sohma
Summary: Sigure's version of BEP's My Humps, like Kyo's and Yuki's. Like it, hate it, whatever you want. I'm just writing. ONESHOT. Rated M for shigure's pumping...


I don't need to say this because you know already, but… let me just say it, okay? This is Shigure's version of BEP's My Humps. Yeah, you know what's coming… So be warned! Which you already have… And the lyrics aren't changed (mostly) because to me it's stupid enough.

And it's dedicated to **chocolate waffle-san**. She wanted a fic like Yuki and Kyo of Shigure, so I'm making this for her! Hope you enjoy this! And the lot of you too! I'm hoping it's funny and Shigure like.

Sorry if there's something that turned out wrong or anything. Forgive me for my mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own BEP and any of their song. Like I want to. And I don't own Furuba either.

**My Humps**

Shigure have been singing that damn song all day, and it pissed Kyo and Yuki to the core. Yuki had to shut Tohru's ears, and Kyo chased him all over the house.

"Ungrateful brats," he muttered when he came to his room that night after being chased all day. "I let them stay under my roof and this is what they give me in return." He wasn't angry though, just mumbling to himself, not thinking what he was saying.

And then he thought of something at that time, his mouth turning into a big smile. "I'll dance too!" he said loudly, not knowing that it reached the ears of a certain cat. "Though not like Yuki and Kyo. I don't remember some of the video. Oh, I wish I have the video or something. But I only have the CD, and it can only play the song. No video!"

Kyo crept up to Shigure's room and peeked in. "What the hell?" And then he thought of something. "It's gonna ruin him." He ran to his room and took out his video camera that he bought secretly two weeks ago. He ran back to Shigure's door and started to video him.

He scrambled back when he saw that Shigure was stark naked. "Oh my God!" he screamed in his head. "I did _not_ just see that! What is he doing?" Kyo gulped and gathered up his courage to keep on filming it.

Shigure padded to the other side of his room, naked, and took out a bra that he stole from Yuki's secret stashing place the other night. He snickered. "How come he got a c cup, anyway?" he said to himself, but just shrugged and put it on.

He went in front of the mirror and inspected himself. "My body's too manly. Of course Yuki would look great in this." He cupped the bra, and then thought of wearing what kind of underwear. "I don't have any women panties, so I'll just use my own."

He walked to his dresser and picked out one of his underwear. "I look sexay. Mama mia. Though I wouldn't date myself." He made a gagging sound.

"Alright. Now, let's start the partay!" He went to his CD player and popped the CD in, and the music started playing.

Kyo had to hide in the next room when Shigure walked to the door to close it.

"Now no one will know, unlike the three of them," Shigure thought, and then turned the volume up.

Kyo went back to the door and opened it a crack, and then started filming again.

_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my boob.  
My boob, my boob, my boob, my boob, my boob,  
My boob, my boob, my boob, my lovely bursting boobs (Check it out)_

Shigure put his hands on the bra and moved it back and forth as if mimicking a beating heart. "Of course I remember this. She was pumping here breasts!" Shigure said to himself. And then he shook his disgusting butt. "I don't need to do this perfectly. Just doing this makes me happy." And then he ran his hands all over his butt.

_I mount these brothers like crazy,  
I do them on the daily,  
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these ices.  
Dolce & Gabbana,  
Fendi and NaDonna  
Karan, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin' fly  
Brother I ain't askin,  
They say they love my cunt 'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,  
I say no, but they keep fuckin'  
So I keep on doin'  
And no I ain't taken  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on demonstrating.  
_

He didn't remember this part, but he shook his body like crazy, anyway, and found that there was _nothing_ in his bra. "I've got some bathing puffs around here somewhere," he said and ran to his closet. "Here it is!" He took out four, and then stashed two in each. "Wow. Now that's much bigger." They were _puffing_ like they were about to burst, and he adjusted them.

_My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)  
You love my lady lumps (love),  
My boob, my boob, my boob (love),  
My boobs they got you,  
_

He ran his hands down his huge 'breasts' and flicked the 'tits'.

_She's got me coming.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me and fucking me all the time.  
She's got me comin'.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me, up on me, on me  
_

He flicked his butt in the air, and tried to move up and down like those girls in the strip clubs on the poles, but failed. He sighed.

_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
What you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you scream.  
Cos of my boob (ha), my tits, my ass, my cunt (what).  
My tits, my ass, my cunt (ha), my lovely lady breasts (Check it out)  
_

He jumped around, waving his hands in the air, and then smacking his ass over and over. And then he went down to the floor and got on all fours, 'sexily' crawling towards himself in the mirror.

"What are you doing?"

Kyo jumped when he heard that, and turned around. "Will you _not_ do that, you stupid rat!" e whispered harshly.

"Are you filming Shigure doing… Is that my…?" Yuki stopped. "Is that my bra?" he thought angrily.

"Is what your what?" Kyo asked, turning back to Shigure.

Yuki grabbed the camcorder from Kyo. "Oh, he's gonna get revenge!"

_I met a girl down at the disco.  
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.  
I could be your homey, you can be my lady whore  
Let's spend time not money.  
I mix your milk wit my cum,  
Milky, milky cum,  
Mix your milk with my cum, milky, milky riiiiiiight.  
_

Shigure put a hand on the side of his head, and the other one on his butt, and then slowly moved it back and forth.

_They say I'm really sexy,  
The boys they wanna fuck me.  
They always standing next to me,  
Always dancing next to me,  
Tryin' a feel my cunt, cunt.  
Lookin' at my breast, breast.  
You can look but you can't touch it,  
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,  
You don't want no drama,  
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama  
So don't pull on my hand boy,  
You ain't my man, boy,  
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,  
And move my boobs._

He tried to bend down with his knees straight, but ended up with a bad back pain. He stood up and grumbled angrily, but continued 'dancing' anyway. He shook his 'booty' twice, and then pumped his 'boobs'.

_My boobs, my tits, my ass, my cunt,  
My breasts, my boobs, my tits, my ass, my cunt, my hump.  
My lovely lady tits (tits)  
My lovely lady boobs (boobs)  
My lovely lady ass (ass)  
In the back and in the front (ass)  
My fuckin' got you,  
_

He shook his butt slowly, imagining a guy pumping in.

_She's got me comin'.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me and spreading cum on me.  
She's got me comin'.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me, up on me, on me._

He ran his hands up his legs and thighs, and moved his ass.

_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
What you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you scream.  
What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off this hump.  
What you gon' do wit all that breast?  
All that breast inside that shirt?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you work  
Make you work, work, make you work._

He sat on his bed and smacked his butt, and then stood up and shook _everything_ badly. He placed his hands on his huge breasts and then started caressing them. And then he pumped them little by little.

_(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) x4 _

She's got me comin'.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me and spreadin' cum on me  
She's got me comin'.  
(Oh) Spreadin' all your cum on me, up on me, on me.

So real x17

He then shook his bum and pumped his boobs, and then pumped at himself in the mirror as a closing act.

"Good, he's finished," Yuki said and started to go to Kyo's room.

Kyo didn't know why he let Yuki even touch his new cam, and let him in his room _and _use his computer, but he knows what he's gonna do.

"Burn them?"

"And sell them at school. I'm kinda short on money right now," Yuki said and started pulling CDs out of nowhere.

Kyo waited for him to finish, and then took back his cam. "How many is that?" he asked, pointing at the CDs.

"About fifty or so. I'm not that rich to buy CDs."

"How'd you know he was going to do something like that?"

"It happened twice already. Why can't it happen again?"

Kyo rolled his eyes at that. "Whatever. I'm not, ever, gonna do anything like that. Ever again."

Yuki just shrugged. "Bring your cam tomorrow. If we show them what is inside, their pea sized brains will know what the CD contains."

"Oh my God that's porn man!" Kakeru squealed the next day when Kyo showed him. "I'm gonna buy one! How much?"

Kyo thought, and then turned to Yuki, who in turn nodded to him. "Thirty."

"What?" Kakeru shouted, grasping the attention of others, making them come to them. "But that's way too expensive.'

"Hey. This happened only once, okay? And we caught it live. Twenty-nine. Nothing less, but more accepted."

Kakeru pouted. "Twenty-five?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Twenty-six?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Twenty-seven?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Twenty-eight?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Thirty?"

"Deal."

Kakeru whined. "Waaa! I thought I could cheat you or something. Baka Kyo!" He handed over his money, and a few boys flocked to them.

"What're you guys doing? Selling CDs?"

"Not just any CD," Yuki said, and motioned Kyo to show them. Kyo played the first two seconds of the video, which shows Shigure naked, and the boys' minds veered into _that_ direction.

"I'm buying it!" all of them chorused together.

Kyo and Yuki snickered, counting their money. Each got 800 dollars. "Sold better than I thought," Yuki said, and laughed.

Kyo looked at him and extended his hand to him. "Good job eh, partner?"

Yuki looked at him, and then smiled and shook his hand. "Great job."

The next day the news played the video, the headline saying 'Famous author humping it'.

Shigure was waiting for the weather at that time to drool on the sexy reporter, and his jaw dropped when he saw himself dancing on screen. He immediately turned to the two boys, who were 'deep in their own worlds' doing nothing.

"It's for revenge, right, Yuki? And you too, Kyo. You guys only want to embarrass me!" he shouted, and at that time Ayame, Momiji and Haru came in.

"Is that really you, Gure?" Ayame said, and they disturbed him all through the day, and reporters came also.

"Good for him," both Kyo and Yuki thought, and escaped to the roof to avoid them.

-

Was it good? Kinda sidetracked at the end, right? But I finished this earlier than I thought. Um… Two hours?


End file.
